This is an open letter to all the scumbag piece of shit people I deal with on a daily basis.
As I sit here writing this letter it is now 9:46 pm on a Friday night. And I am at fucking work. Goddamn you pain in the ass customers who have nothing better to do than to come in to the dealership at 8:46 at night to buy a car. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU? You need to buy something after 8pm it had better be fucking beer. Or, condoms. Whatever suits you best. Why must you wait all fucking day and then come strolling in so late. Seriously, the two biggest financial transactions we Americans make in our lives are buying homes and automobiles. What could possibly be going through your mind when you decide to stroll into your local car dealership to purchase a vehicle at FUCKING 9 O'Clock??? Would you call your real estate agent and decide to place a contract on that house with the white picket fence and walk in closet that you and your spastic wife have been oogling over for the last fucking two weeks? NO. You call the agent in the morning. LIKE NORMAL PEOPLE. You people have no fucking compassion for the comission based salesperson. You think we enjoy working from 9am until whenever you make up your fucking mind as to what car you want? No. Business hours are 9am until 9pm. Try strolling into the mall 5 minutes after closing time and see what happens. Those gates are down and the lights are off. Fuck you Mr. Customer who enjoys playing 'the game' when it comes to buying a car. Let me in on a little secret: Go in to a restaurant 5 minutes before the kitchen closes, and your food gets spat in. The same holds true for the car business and people like me. Contrary to popular belief, YOU DO NOT GET THE BEST DEAL LATE AT NIGHT. You keep me there past 9 o'clock and I WILL BREAK MY FOOT OFF IN YOUR ASS. I will make as much money as humanly possible off of you. And I won't even feel bad. And in the unfortunate event that I don't make any money off of you, I secretly wish that your car breaks down on the way home. Or, gets stolen from outside your house. Why? Because after 9pm you are on MY TIME. And Mr. Customer, I don't like working for free.
And to you, Mr. I-know-I-have-less-than-perfect-credit-but-still-think-i-am-in-charge customer. Newsflash, less than perfect is a fucking understatement. You have shitty credit and you fucking know it. And I am in charge, not you. How can you not know if you have shitty credit or not? You know goddamn well if you've written a check and licked an envelope lately. Your fucking credit criminal ass hasn't paid a bill in the last ten years and you have the fucking audacity to argue interest rate? FUCK YOU. Don't like the 19.95% interest rate? PAY YOUR FUCKING BILLS. And if you want me to tell you which bills you haven't paid I'd be happy to show you your credit report along with my red Sharpie notes circling all the collection accounts you have. You're fucking lucky I was even able to talk a bank into financing your sorry ass. Here's a little tip: You know you have shitty credit? BE FUCKING HUMBLE. Don't start parading around like you're a fucking superstar because I was able to get your shitty-credit-having ass a loan. Personally, if I had a loan with 19.95% interest I wouldn't tell a soul. If I knew I had shitty credit, and hadn't been able to finance a fucking happy meal, and now here's this business manager who was able to get me a loan, I'd be kissing his ass (not that I want my ass kissed but a simple 'thank you' would suffice). And, don't start demanding shit while I am doing your paperwork. I can just as easily get your ass turned down as I did approved. You have shitty credit from some fault not your own (i.e. Medical problems, Bad divorce)? I feel for you , I really do. And I will do my best to help you out. As hard as this may sound, I do have a compassionate side. Well, not usually. But, if you've fallen on some bad times I'll do my best to help you get back on your feet. However, if you feel like its ok for you to run up credit cards and not pay for them, go fuck yourself. Its YOU who are the reason people with good credit have to pay shitty interest rates on their credit cards. YOU. You fucking bloodsucking piece of shit scumbag. And to all you fucking parasites who have unpaid child support accounts on your credit, I hope you fucking rot in hell. You leeches should be shot.
To all of you who will read this and say 'well, you picked your profession, so deal with it'. While this is true, people in the car business don't deserve to get treated like shit. We have families, children, and other things do besides work. Just like you. You don't like working well past the normal hours and neither do we. Now, don't get me wrong I do thoroughly enjoy what I do. I get to meet all sorts of people on a daily basis and for the most part it's a lot of fun. That, and I get paid well. Really well.
But, that's completely beside the point.
-Jefferson Steercock
